I used to very like "IF" and every time when I made a mistake I'll think about "IF", however that is during my child hood time, and I told myself that is no "IF" in our life. And. However again, "IF" still come across my mind uncontrollably even though I deeply understand nothing could be done. Just like the past 2 years, when came to exam week, I will start thinking " how IF I totally didn't play DOTA for the whole semester? I might earn another 72 hours or more for my revision now... or the past 3rd Sunday from now, I think again," How if Laurent Koscienly had headed the ball into the net of Stamford Bridge at the early 6th minutes of the match? So Arsenal might not have to be embarrassed with 2-0 down by the blue army and I might not have to suffer a broken heart misery night on my bed thinking "IF" ". And the latest "IF" in my mind is "how IF I have done just a little bit better for the past 2 years academic year? I will free from the Rm400 per month PTPTN loan repayment for 20 years!!!!". Thinking of that really make me down, some sort of I had just lost a 70k lottery due to the 0.5 cgpa things.
Human is fragile, for most of us, even we know that but we will still think of it, cause it is a way to make ourself better, or we can interpreted it as a mean of self protect from hurting ourself more by ourself due to the earlier damage. I'm not here to cheer you guys up to face the truth bravely or ask you not from being cowardly. Who can actually just recover because a word of stranger? Absolutely not me, I know that. Anyway, it will get rid of my mind one day, and I definitely will laugh at it for been stupid to think that IF. Next month? next week? or may be next day : ) ... For now I just need some self protection to make myself feel better.
p.s congraz to those who are on the path to win the ptptn lottery : (
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