__我才发现__

我才发现，最近会无原无故会早起身 sms 跟你说早安

我才发现，一天会想你几次，睡醒，临睡和忙碌的时候

我才发现，手机里你的照片已是我上课时的寄托

我才发现，读书读到累时，打开你的 Friendster 已是我的习惯

我才发现，每次你问我为何还没 sms 跟你说我已到家，我真的很感动你在乎我

我才发现，每晚我都会迫不及待想上线跟你谈天

我才发现，跟你在一起时，我们是那么的自然，毫无造作

我才发现，电脑里的壁纸已成为我和你的和照

我才发现，猜错你喜欢的颜色真的不是滋味

我才发现，你说不知道时，你的表情真的很可爱

我才发现，你说我坏蛋，只不过是你在害臊

我才发现，我真的很喜欢看你认真读书时的表情

我才发现，你真的是超懒惰的噢

我才发现，你过马路时真的很匆忙，但却不让我牵你的手

我才发现，等待你的答案时，原来我的脚都在发抖

我才发现，跟你在一起，我只需做回我自己

我才发现，开始喜欢橙色，因为你，我想变得更开朗，更积极，更加面对挑战
我才发现，我喜欢上不会因为跟我去晚餐而故意换衣服的你
我才发现，因为你，我开始喜欢人家我叫 GheeOon ，我原本的名
我才发现，无所事事时读回你的sms 已是我的另一个习惯
我才发现，开始喜欢你那大头虾的性格
我才发现，每天想你的次数渐渐增加了
我才发现，当你以为我生气时，我反而担心你为这误会而伤心
我才发现，我真的不想因为我而让你伤心
我才发现，你伤心时我真的不好受，难到我能做的只是早上七点多起来跟你说早安吗
我才发现，你说我好像很希望你我家时，我在想，我是否做错了

我才发现，最近每晚临睡时都会重读你那天发给我的信息

我才发现，每天有你跟我说早安和晚安的日子好温馨噢

我才发现，你发道歉信息给我时，我都会想象你认真跟我道歉的傻模样

我才发现，忽然很想在你耳朵旁轻叫宝贝，看你害羞的模样

我才发现，原来你也会担心我会生气，证明你在乎我

我才发现，原来你一直都有被一个会认真写歌和唱给你听的傻瓜感动，只不过不好意思说出来而 已

我才发现，偶而你也会故意早起身跟我说早安，很感动

我才发现，很想有天你会躺在我肩膀，让我轻抚摸你的头发

我发现，很想跟全世界说，你就是我的宝贝，叫他们别羡慕我

我才发现，被你欺负时，除了有那么一点点的不爽外，其实还蛮高兴的

我才发现，原来放假前你法给我的信息都还收着

我才发现，原来和你在一起，幸福就会像理当然的围拢着我

我才发现，最近我去图书馆找你时，心都会跳得特别快

我才发现，被你开空头支票时，我是真的的很失望

我才发现，因为喜欢上你我变的很软弱，总是会期待你的注意

我才发现，听说你受到我巧克力时，你笑得很甜的

我才发现，现在我已经无法说要放就放

我才发现，我很怀念那时牵你的手的感觉

我才发现，太过幸福的现在，眼泪也会要掉出来，庆幸自己遇见你

我才发现，到了现在，你时间表里还是没有属于我的空格，不过我可以等
我才发现，原来你很怕看到血即使不是自己受伤也会因此而掉泪
我才发现，看见你眼含泪光时，我真的真的很心疼
我才发现，因为喜欢你，我已开始慢慢的配合你的性格
我才发现，原来我在你心中已经不是最后一名了
我才发现，你第一次主动打电话给我时，我真有受惊若疼的感觉
我才发现，我啊，只想像现在疼坏你，直到永远永远，好吗小傻瓜?

我才发现，你阿，根本就是口硬心软，口是心非，又爱逞强

我才发现，我已经慢慢的可以配合你的了，再给我多点时间好吗?

我才发现，如果那天你让我牵你的手，先说好噢，我可是要牵一整天的

我才发现，我已慢慢，慢慢地，喜欢上你了

我们就到这了，对不起…
.
.
.

__Journal.3 - My Family__

As I have mentioned in my last post , I can tell people proudly that my parent have divorced since I was standard 5 because I dunt thing it is something very ashame to talk with , today we will go in detail about my childchood life and my and course some of my family stuff....



Talking about childhood, it is the most happy period for most of the people , and do I , I stayed in Sungai Penang last time , a place where liek a "kampung" and majority of the residents are malays. Basically , I will reach home around 2 something in primary school , what to do next ? have my lunch , and start watching tv or foolig aroudn with my cousins till 5 pm , that is the time i were allowed to go out and play with my childhood friend ...many games I have played during childhood, and I still remember part of the memorable experiences... we played gasing , kite, bakuli , playing football on the playground ( because we are still children that time ) , cycling aroudn the "kampung" , seek and hide , billionaire , umno , card game and so on on ..... we somemore play "catch ghost" ( directed translated ) by using bicycle, one become ghost and cycling in the certain area to crash the other player who are cycling aroudn as well , once the participant is crashed down by the "ghost" , he will become ghost and start chasing other ..sound crazy ? haha , sometime we have bicylcle race as well....



Happy hour only last till 7 pm , after that I gotta go home , take a bath , have my dinner at my grandmum house while watching tv series or anime till 8 pm , and from 8.30 pm till 9.30 pm i will watch another tv series ....read some comic before going to bed around 10 pm something ... so when did I study? Well, i rush my homework at school , and will finish the rest during 2.00pm to 5 .00pm ... and I never study till standard 4 !!!!!!!! it doesnt mean I'm smart , but is jz the primary school I were studying is not as famous as "Union"primary school or " Ping Hua" primary school , so i can still get 12 or 13 places in my class of around 40 people , and my primary school only got 1 class for every year...a very small primary school i would say ... well something change due to the arriving of 2 female teachers, one teach me BM while the another one teach me English...in stadard 4 , I get 28 marks for Bm and at stadard 5 I get 38 for English .... My dad never scold me , because he is not from a well educated family , so he dunno hw to advise me for my studying stuff , what he always told me everytime when I did something wrong is "I cant take care of you for the whole life, you gotta think about it by yourself"....and that always make me feel guilty about it ....



I start checking dictionary for BM and ENGLISH just like what he suggest me to do , " You might not be a smart guy , but if you learn one voca in one day , after one year , you will end up get to know 365 voca more than the previous year " It work , and because of this sentence, I've became a very patient and determined guy , last time. No matter doing what , I always tell myself , if you are not smart or good at it , you just have to put more effort into it and practising myself repeatly , so only can I match the smart or those from well educated family ....yet I've change , in this recent 3 years......Anyway, I get 5 A and 2 B in UPSR ,suprisingly , ranking no.5 in the last exam of my primary school....i would say I'm lucky ...and I was qualified to enter Chung Ling High School....

One of the reason behind my not so bad UPSR result is due to the divorce of my parent . After they divorce, my dad always advise me to study hard and dunt become just like him in future, .Staying with my strict grandmum , mean i no longer have the happy hour like last time , instead those time is being used to study ....so wat will be if they didnt divorce ??? No body know , but one thing for sure is I mostly cant scored the result to enter CLHS, and i might not be sitting here , writting a blog to share with you guys, would not have the chance to study in MMu and play table tennis, instead i might be end up entering a Malay High School , selling DVD or shouting vulgar word loudly at the roadside and thinking that is macho ,smoking , engaged in gangsterism and so on.... who know? I dunt deny that the divorce have beought me some heart breaking miserable night , but It does change my life into a better way in return...some said , if want something , you gotta forgo something to get it ....but is it worth? God only know I think ...


P.s btw , my current relationship with my mum side is well maintain.

__Journal.2 - Me__

The first post of my journal after the brief introduction regarding my journal , I would like to talk about MySelf ...

Who am I to you guys? Hw much do you guys understand me even we have being friend for so many years? Emo ?Fake? Sentimental?Arrogant? Strong ? Athletic? Smart ? Asshole? Good buddy to mixed with? Or one of those who will just find you guys when i need your help ? Anyway , I dunt think anyone can give me a satisfying answer , because I'm also not capable of giving myself the answer , that is why I write journal, to make myself understand more about myself.....

I 'm GheeOon , some call me laukao ( monkey in hokkien ) , ya i missed those who call me this nickname , a nickname that will only be called by my true secondary school buddy , my "heng tai" in scout group ...20 when writting this post , penangnite , currently stay in Lebuh Macallum with my Dad and grandma...Oh, you may be ask that where is my mum ? Proud to tell that she'd divorced with my dad when i was in year 5 , not mean to be sarcastic , but I just dunt think it is something that need to be ashame of when talking about my family background , YES , I'm from a broken family. Currently study in MMu , Grammar year of Degree in Mechanical Engineering.

My view toward myself is , I'm an arrogant guy .... Ya, I always think that I can do better than the others when it comes to somethings , but when I have the opportunity to do that , I always screw it , and it is not the first time it make me scold myself " What you are capable of when you are criticising other"? Dunt you feel digusting about that traits? Yes I do as well , so I'm changing. No one like an arrogant people , I know that , coz I hate that as well. Emo, ya very very emo , especially when it comes to relationship stuff, I always fail to control myself to cross the line , I might treat someone very good , but I also "hope" that she will do so to me ...and I have laughed myself over and over again , WHO ARE YOU???? [ I use "hope" because Hope , refer to Mr.Felix is you strongly wish the person to do it for you even though they are not willing to, and that is one of my weaknessas well] I'm no longer determined like last time, I'm impatient , discouraged , coward when come to some challenges, lazy,passive ...ya I admit, I really wanna shout at myself that " You are not the hero as you think you are , asshole!!!!"

However , I also like some of my traits, I'm honest , and I have no secret, I wunt hide anything of myself , as long as you dare to ask me , I will tell ....but those you never ask and I never tell , it is still remain as secret, and I'm straight , if I find that i really dunt like someone , I wunt force myself to fake a smile for him/her, it might not be a good charateristic , especially when it comes to work, but I like it , coz i dunt fake .So a people like me would hardly enter the business field. Stubborn , it make me follow the rules strictly , for good , and it also makes me follow my feeling , stubbornly, for bad...

so what you guys think who I'm ? leave me some comments, so i will know who am I in your eye , seriously I wunt angry even you are criticising me badly , i just want to understand myself more...

__Journal.1 - Intro__

Actually, I'd have the idea of starting a journal in my blog since long time ago, but due to the wrong timing , i have being keep delaying it ...well, the journal in my blog is not something like diary , but is jz a corner for myself to discuss more about myself, to speak out my point of view regarding somethings , so as days going on , I can make those who care about me , and of course make myself understand myself more. To put it in a nutshell, it is merely something I write for myself ...and it will be very boring sometime!!!

__根本不想离开_

何必让两个人都受伤害

回到以前不是更好吗

我说了太多你都不明白

到头来只是我一个人在猜

何必什么都藏起来

那份感情明明还在

是你怕受害还是不敢再爱

只要你都说明白

我永远不会离开

.

.

我根本.....不想离开